Let’s be honest, planning a wedding is hard. It involves coordinating numerous details, balancing expectations, and navigating rules and etiquette. Etiquette can be especially intricate when it comes to invitations. There are many details to consider, and it’s easy to make mistakes. I’m Amy Feiman with House Fourteen, a design, letterpress and event branding company. I have been a graphic designer working in the wedding industry for 10 years. I have picked up lots of tips and tricks along the way. Good news, this guide offers all the insider knowledge you need. It’s everything I would have wanted to know when I was getting married: an A to Z guide. It starts with save-the-dates and covers your complete wedding suite, which includes the invitation, RSVP, enclosure card, plus mailing and thank you notes.
Save the Date Address Etiquette
![Save the Date, Wedding Invitations](https://wedmayhem.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/H14_std_900x600.jpg)
Information to include on your Save-the-dates are your names, your wedding date, your wedding location (typically just the city and state is all you need, but for destination weddings, the country or resort name is also appropriate), wedding website, and the phrase “invitation to follow.” When addressing your save-the-dates keep in mind the formality of your event and the piece itself. Typically, a less formal address style is used on save-the-dates.
Pro Tip: A wedding website is a great resource for your guests and for sharing information. Keep it updated and list the URL on your save-the-date.
Are Save-the-Dates really necessary? The answer is Yes. The save-the-date is an important part of the wedding planning process. They allow your guests to mark their calendars and begin making travel arrangements for your big day. Many times they are the first notification to your guests that you are getting married. Save-the-dates can be a simple card or you can get creative. Save-the-dates typically mail 6 to 12 months in advance of your wedding. There is no such thing as too to much notice, especially if you are having a destination wedding or a wedding that falls on a holiday.
Wedding Invitation Etiquette
![Wedding RSVP, wedding invitation, wedding invitation suite](https://wedmayhem.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/H14_invitation_cover_900x600.jpg)
Your invitations give guests their first impression of your big day. They set the tone, and it’s important to get it right because invitations can be an expensive item in your overall wedding budget. The first step is to choose your style, your wording, whether formal or informal, and design elements, including typeface, colors, paper weight and texture, all subtly influence how your wedding is perceived by your guests. For instance, if you envision your guests in black tie, the invitation should convey the formal tone and style.
How you word your wedding invitations is another subtle clue for your guests about your big day. An invitation begins with a host line. Just like the name, this tells the guest who is hosting the wedding (which traditionally, is who is paying for the wedding). Followed next by the request line. This is where you extend the invitation to attend your wedding. If your wedding is formal, use formal language (EX: “request the honor of your presence”), conversely, if your wedding is casual, you can use less formal language (EX: “please join us”).
Pro Tip: “The honor of your presence” is traditionally used to signify a religious service. You can also use the British spelling “honour.” If you do use the British spelling, match your RSVP with “favour.” The phrase “The pleasure of your company” is used for non-religious locations.
The third line is the action line. You are telling your guests what you are inviting them to share. An example might be “At the marriage of their daughter.” The couples names are next. Consider the formality of your event when determining how you list your names. For example, do you list first, middle, and last names or just first names? Following your names are the date and time. Traditionally, they are spelled out in full. Depending on the tone and formality of your wedding, these are rules that can be broken. The key is consistency throughout your wedding from the invitation design, wording, attire, ceremony, venue and the party itself. Next comes your ceremony location. The venue name on the first line, followed by City, State. An address is not necessary unless it is a private residence. Zip codes are not included on the invitation. This is where a wedding website is really helpful. You can include more information like the venue address and a link to a map.
The final piece of information is the reception line. If the reception is at the same location you can simply say, “Reception to follow” or “Dinner and dancing to follow.” A reception card should be used if the location is different from the ceremony. One last thing to consider when deciding on your wedding invitation wording is should you include a dress code? This is optional, but can be very helpful for your guests. This should follow the reception line.
Invitations should be mailed 8 to 12 weeks in advance of your wedding. The timing is dependent upon your location and where the majority of your guests are traveling from. If your wedding is local and most of your guests are local you can mail your invitations around the 8 week timeframe, but if you are having a destination wedding and all of your guests will need to travel, more notice is needed. Timing is very important if you have an A and B guest list, so sending your invitations out earlier can be helpful. There is a fine line between giving proper notice and sending your invitations out to early. We all have too many things in our lives demanding our attention. The danger of sending your invites too early is that guests will see the date so far in advance and put off responding which could lead to not responding at all.
Complete Suite – RSVP & Enclosure Card
![Wedding RSVP, wedding invitation, wedding invitation suite](https://wedmayhem.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/H14_rsvp_900x600.jpg)
The actual invitation is only part of your wedding stationery suite. A response card is needed to obtain a head count. The first item of information on your response card is the RSVP date. This is typically three to four weeks from your wedding date. It is important to communicate this date with your planner and your venue to get their feedback. A spot for the guest to write their name is next on your response card. Traditionally, the “M” is meant to designate the first letter of the formal salutation (EX: Mr., Mrs., Miss, Ms., Mx.). Additional information to consider including on your response card are things like meal choices and song requests,etc… The RSVP envelope should have the address to the person that is collecting your responses on the front of the envelope. Don’t forget to include current postage.
Pro Tip: Many wedding websites companies offer digital rsvp’s. You might consider using a QR code or directing your guests to your wedding website. In doing so gives you the added bonus of money saved on postage and no need for an envelope.
![Wedding Enclosure Card, wedding invitation, wedding invitation suite](https://wedmayhem.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/H14_enclosure_900x600.jpg)
Additional enclosure cards can be many things. Reception cards as mentioned earlier are to be used if the ceremony and the reception are held at different locations. Remember to include not only the location but the time the reception starts. Information or detail cards provide any additional wedding details to guests like directions, transportation, lodging, etc. This is a great place to add your wedding website URL. Activity cards are very helpful when a wedding takes place over multiple days. Festivities might start with a welcome party, the rehearsal dinner, the wedding and then finish with Sunday Brunch for example.
Pro Tip: Do not put your wedding website or your registry on your wedding invitations. Your wedding website can go on an enclosure card, but your registry should only go on your wedding website or spread through word of mouth.
Envelope Assembly & Addressing Invitations
![etiquette, Vintage Stamps, wedding invitation, mailing address, etiquette](https://wedmayhem.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/H14_address_900x600.jpg)
Thoughtful attention should be placed into your invitation assembly and addressing. The invitation goes on the bottom, then any enclosure cards, followed by the rsvp card and envelope on top. Add-ons like vellum wraps, wax seals, or ribbon can add a finishing touch to your entire suite. Envelope addressing is an important and often overlooked step. The following examples are etiquette-approved and will help you address your invitations with ease. But before we go into the ins-and-outs of addressing, an additional consideration is the use of an inner envelope. This additional envelope adds not only an extra layer of protection, but also the opportunity to add an envelope liner as a design feature.
Addressing using an inner and outer envelope.
Outer Envelope
Mr. & Mrs. Heath Harrison and Children
3457 South Faux Place
Denver, Colorado 80210
Inner Envelope
Mr. & Mrs. Harrison
Mr. Ian Harrison, Miss Ashley Harrison and Miss Lauren Harrison
or Heath, Wendy, Ian, Ashley and Lauren
The address not only serves as the vehicle the post office uses to get your invitation to its destination, but it also serves as a guide for your guests on who is invited to your wedding. Unfortunately, people make assumptions. For example, if an event is not intended for children, guests should not presume their children are invited simply because they aren’t mentioned.
Wingman Wisdom
“If their children are not included on the invitation, they are not invited. You can further communicate this using your wedding website. How you address your invitations should also be consistent with everything else in regards to the tone and formality of your wedding.”
Salutation or Prefix Examples (Mr., Mrs., Miss, Ms., Mx.)
Formal Home Address
Mr. and Mrs. Heath Harrison
3457 South Faux Place
Denver, Colorado 80210
Casual Home Address
Mr. and Mrs. Heath Harrison
3457 South Faux Place
Denver, CO 80210
Married Couple With Same Last Name – For same sex couples simply indicate the appropriate prefix
Mr. & Mrs. Jack Smith
Mrs. Tara Matthews and Mrs. Mary Matthews
or Mr. Darren Brooke and Mr. Robert Brooke
Married Couple With Different Last Names – For same sex couples, use the same format
Mrs. Katie Walton and Mr. Thomas Griffin
Mrs. Colleen Combs and Mrs. Gwen Corbert
or Mr. Trace Gallen and Mr. Daniel Redcliff
Engaged Couples – Use the same format as Unmarried Couple
Ms. Elle Gonzales and Mr. Maxwell Weinstein
or The future Mr. Maxwell Weinstein and Ms. Elle Gonzales
Distinguished Titles – When inviting two married Doctors, use ‘The Doctors’ and list the name of the partner who holds the distinguished title first.
The Doctors John Black and Abby Black
The Honorable Karen Gillmore and Mr. Steven Gillmore
Family
When you are inviting the entire family. Same sex couples see above. Children living at home over the age of 18 should receive their own invitation.
Mr. and Mrs. Alex White and Children
When you are inviting only specific family members, children should be listed in birth order on separate lines. Same-sex families should follow the same format.
Mr. & Mrs. Jack Smith
Mrs. Tara Matthews and Mrs. Mary Matthews
or Mr. Darren Brooke and Mr. Robert Brooke
Postage
![Vintage Stamps, wedding invitation](https://wedmayhem.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/H14_postage_addressing_900x600.jpg)
Wedding invitations are not like other pieces of mail. There is much to consider so you can mail with confidence. Multiple inserts or unusual shaped envelopes will require extra postage. If you are using thicker paper stocks that might put your invitation into the parcel category which will increase your postage costs. Items like wax seals and ribbons can get caught in the postage sorting machines and tear your envelopes. Before you buy stamps, take an assembled invitation to your local post office and have it weighed and examined.
Pro Tip: It’s always a good idea to over post your invitations, especially if the weight is very close to the next class.
Better to be safe than have all your invitations returned for insufficient postage. The USPS is always coming out with new stamp designs. But if you want to up your postage game, you can use vintage postage. They are real stamps not in circulation that have not been used. They come in a wide variety of colors, sizes, values and designs. There are many sources online from Ebay to Etsy. It is a fun and unique way to add style and personality to your envelopes.
There is lots of chatter on the internet about hand canceling your postage. The idea is to stop your mail piece from going through the automatic sorting machines used by the post office. By doing so, it can help prevent your invitations from being torn up by the machine. This service requires either a non-machinable stamp or the postage equivalent and the envelope should be labeled non-machinable. There are post offices out there that will let you do it yourself in the post office, so check with your local postal worker. This is a great idea in theory. But the reality is the USPS is very understaffed and even when you purchase the extra postage to make your invitation non-machinable, there is no guarantee that it won’t see a machine somewhere along the way to its destination.
Thank You Notes
![Wedding thank you card, wedding invitation, wedding invitation suite](https://wedmayhem.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/H14_thankyou_900x600.jpg)
Last but not least are thank you notes. You will no doubt be in a joyous mood after your wedding is complete and you have returned from your honeymoon. Keep that sentiment going by getting your thank you notes written and sent within a month after your honeymoon. Your guest list can act as a log of who sent you gifts and what they were. Be genuine with your feelings and keep your sentiments meaningful. Set a goal of completing 3 to 5 everyday and you will be amazed at how fast they are complete. Make sure you send thank you’s to guests that could not come to your wedding and don’t forget about your vendors. Lots of hard work went into your wedding. They will appreciate your gratitude. You don’t need to be formal in your sign-off or your addressing. Use your instincts, you might treat good friends more casually than you would your boss.
Pro Tip: Order your thank you notes when you order your invitations. Many stationers offer discounts and your design will be consistent with everything else from your wedding.
Amy Feiman is the owner of House Fourteen, a boutique design studio, letterpress printer and event branding company in Colorado. She uses your personal stories to create emotional connections, immersive experiences, and impressions worth remembering. Get to know Amy by following her on Instagram or visiting House Fourteen.
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