Unpopular Opinion: Engagement Parties are Pointless

Congratulations! You’re engaged. Now what? For some couples, next up is planning and throwing an engagement party. Unpopular opinion, but these are totally unnecessary. Here’s why you should consider doing you and your guests a favor and ditch the engagement party.

What It Is

A party, held in the first few months of an engagement, to celebrate the occasion and kick off the wedding festivities. It also can help wedding guests to get to know each other before the actual big day. It’s traditionally held by the parents of the folks getting married, but most couples nowadays choose to throw it themselves. Engagement parties can span from being very formal (think: gift registry, formal invites, RSVPs) to more casual.

What It REALLY Is

Unless an engagement party is culturally significant to you or has a family tradition attached to it, these are just another party you’re expected to throw. Let’s look at the list of popularly held group gatherings that you can have pre-wedding that similar sets of people are expected to attend.

Engagement party
Wedding/bridal shower
Bachelor party
Bachelorette party
Bridesmaids and groomsmen luncheon/meet
Welcome party
Rehearsal dinner

This is a huge (and expensive) list and it doesn’t even include culturally specific events that can happen pre-wedding. Doing all of these is great (I guess) if everyone attending your wedding lives close to where you’re hosting, none of the guests know each other, and you have unlimited time to plan events. If these stars don’t align, here are the three big reasons why you should consider not doing this party.

1. It’s a Burden for Your Guests

Are you really going to have your sister come out to your engagement party and then again for your shower and then again for your bachelorette and then again for your wedding? Not to mention that she’s taking time off work for the holidays and then maybe she wants, like, a self care Friday sometime this year. Plus, she probably has at least one other set of wedding things she’s going to for another pair of friends. IMO, engagement parties are needlessly expensive and time consuming for you and your guests.

2. It’s Not a Big Deal for People to Meet

To address the purpose of guests meeting each other… Why is that so important? Everyone attending is going to know someone else. If y’all have a random work friend that just needs to be at the ceremony, organize an informal brunch with some other friends who will be attending so they can get to know each other. Additionally, your parents should definitely meet pre-engagement party anyway so they can actually talk and spend time together with just the two of you.

3. It’s Exhausting for You

Also, how much can you plan? You’re planning the wedding (even if you have a whole wedding planner, you still have to make decisions). You’re figuring out bridal and engagement shoots, making save-the-dates and registries, coordinating all the other parties listed above, plus managing the inevitable social politics of throwing a big gathering. You also, maybe, have a life outside of wedding planning and other stuff you like to do? Go crochet or get coffee with your girlfriends instead of spending Sunday trying to find enough gluten free mini-cruffins for all of your friends.

So… What Now?

Here are alternatives to engagement parties that are 100x better:

Smaller Gatherings

Get together informally with close friends and family in order to really spend quality time with them. Big parties, which will be happening over the course of your wedding timeline, are so fun, but they can make it hard to really spend time with individual people. Cherish this time with more intimate settings.

… Nothing

Don’t do anything! Announce and then spend time together as a couple. You have a smorgasbord of optional parties to choose from over the course of your engagement. Choose other ones that don’t require your guests to spend their next year commuting to wherever you are and buying you gifts.

And there it is. This wedding season give yourself a break! Intentionally choose when you are going to have people gather on your behalf and who is invited. Of course, everyone has their own opinions about what events are important to keep. Talk with your partner about budget and which events are non-negotiables for both of you. Also, check out 6 Wedding Traditions to Ditch…and 3 to Keep for more expert commentary on traditions to potentially throw out the window during your planning process. Disagree with me? Take a peek at Why You Should Throw an Engagement Party, where I look at the positive side of engagement parties.

Planning

5 min

5 Reasons Why You Should Throw an Engagement Party

By Clara Collison

So you might have read my article about why engagement parties are… not really my thing. BUT it’s my goal to be more positive or whatever so I’m doing my very best to see the other side. So here it is: why you SHOULD have an engagement party–from someone who hates engagement parties.

But First…

Here’s what an engagement party is in the traditional sense. A party, held in the first few months of an engagement, to celebrate the occasion and kick off the wedding festivities. It also can help wedding guests to get to know each other before the actual big day. It’s traditionally held by the parents of the folks getting married, but most couples nowadays choose to throw it themselves or have other loved ones host. Engagement parties can span from being very formal to more casual.

Gathering the Facts

I was a little confused about the appeal of engagement parties, so I decided to watch some YouTube videos to see what it was all about.

First, I watched Rachel Autenrieth’s engagement party video from her wedding series. The first part of the video details travel, outfits, and Rachel’s life. The actual engagement party content doesn’t kick in until 11:51, if you want to skip ahead. The couple’s friends hosted the bash in the their hometown. It was filled with food, family, friends, and games. I was in love with the intimacy of the event and how the influencer chose a more low-key vibe instead of going all out.

Next, I watched Natalie Muñoz’s video; the whole thing was shot on the day of her engagement party. It was a larger scale than the party in the other video (honestly, it looked like a gorgeous wedding). While it was a bigger production, the values were the same–bringing together loved ones and starting the process of blending two families.

5 Big Reasons to Do It

So I’ve looked at the influencers and done some extensive research. I can now definitively claim some of the reasons why you should have an engagement party.

1. Your People WANT to Celebrate

The people you love are so excited for you right now and want to do something ASAP. Giving them a game plan on how and when to celebrate y’all is honestly going to lessen the feeling of being pulled into a bunch of different directions.

2. See if You Have What it Takes

Do you have what it takes to plan a wedding? You’ll see after you set up this shindig. Work out some of the kinks in planning, see how you and your partner can support each other when making these kinds of decisions, and maybe even test out a caterer you’re interested in.

3. You Can Do Whatever You Want

People have very few expectations about what an engagement party should look like (unlike a bach party or wedding ceremony). Yes, you’ll probably want to provide food of some kind, but otherwise the world is kinda your oyster. Set the tone for your wedding or use it as the place to get your informal wiggles and jiggles out.

4. People Will Recognize Each Other at the Ceremony

There is probably no world where, without an engagement party, your spouse’s childhood friend and your second cousin are meeting before the wedding. This will help people feel less awkward at the ceremony and liven up the reception. Plus, getting to know people is a process. Maybe you and your fiance’s parents have met a few times, but it never hurts to build the relationship further.

5. Parties Are Fun!

You have an excuse so… throw one! This is like one of the #1 most sentimental times in your life! You getting married doesn’t come around every year.

Maybe I’m not totally sold on the extravagant engagement party, but I think I have a better understanding of why a person might consider throwing one. For more content on rethinking traditions and putting your own spin on things, check out 6 Wedding Traditions to Ditch…and 3 to Keep.